The Bay of Drift and Discovery

Last November, I was laid off from the engineering company I worked at. I wasn’t singled out, the wave hit close to half the company. Still, it was a shock.

In the days that followed the announcement, I quickly arrived at the conclusion that I was heading into a break. Could be weeks, could be months, probably not years ("…but what if?"). I wanted to reflect on what it was I really wanted to do with my life.

So here I am, in a phase of life that feels foreign in its openness and unstructuredness. In some ways, I feel as though I have been swept along in the flow of a river that has spilled into a wide-open bay. The river took me from childhood to highschool to college and on to the first two jobs I’ve had. Now I am no longer in a current. I am atop a raft in the middle of the bay. There are still small waves and breezes that come from different directions, but no prevailing current or direction.

(Note: The metaphor breaks down admittedly, because what I am seeking is a new river to enter, and multiple rivers don’t often flow out of a single large body of water though apparently it can happen)

After feeling unsettled with my adriftedness for weeks, I have come to a realization: My job is Exploration. To search wide and far and deep as I can is the work of my present season. It is the campaign that I must decompose into daily habits, projects, and tasks. I do not have a river with close familiar banks and a steady current, but I do have this temporary north star.

Someday I will make a decision. For now, I am exploring.